who i am?

I am B and my wife is D, we have a great life together and i love hwr very much.we've always had a great sex life, trying new things that some say border on the kinky side.but i have no care what other people say, we like what we like. I've always been intrigued by domestic discpline, spanking,light bondage and stuff like that. Over the years we have experimented a little in those areas, but thats really all that ever came of it.spanking probably tops the list for me and D seemed to enjoy it to with me on the recieving end. I always seemed to have a problem holding position for her to do her work, which seemed to cause D to lose interest in it. I totally understand her reasoning, its not much fun if i keep jumping up, or telling her to stop. So it was kinda put on the back burner until recently. I recently started a new job which was totally foreign to me and was causing me undo stess. I have been thinking more and more about spanking,d/d and the things that go with them, sometimes to the point that it was consuming my whole day. I didnt know where this was coming from all of a sudden, but it was difinitely something that needed to dealt with. D is also going thru some problems of her own,but maybe i will go into that on another post. I have a good life a loving wife, great kids, ahouse, pets,and a job, so im thinking life good for us.so why am i having these feelings of anxiousness, unfocused, and general kaos. I never felt like this before and i didnt like one bit.D and i have been married for13yrs,and i have to say that without her, i wouldnt be the man i am today. Before we got married i wasn't exactly an eagle scout, i did alot of bad things in my younger years,and i think those thing is what has been bothering me ao much lately. I wish i could go back and undo those things but i cant,so i will deal with them,i dont know what sparked all of these thoughts either. So back to the spanking issue,i decide to talk to D about because i know that D will do anything for me and the feelings are likewise. I asked her for a spanking, she asked why and i told her how i had been feeling lately,but that confused her as i was already confused about the thing. Then i told her that i had been thinking about the things that i had done in the past(which she already knew about)and that i felt like a bad personand deserved anything and everything i got. And that ended with me getting really upset and breaking down,and of course D comforted me as she always does, she can always make me feel better.i promised her that if she wanted to give me spanking i would not complain about it and follow her directions completely. So she agreed, and held me to my promise.D loves me very much and would never hurt me intentionally,she knows what i can handle,and apparently i didnt know what i could handle and D was happy to show me. Let me tell you a few things about D she can be a very serious person when she wants to be ie. No warmup spanking, pants down, no moving or complaining,she gives me what she thinks i need and its usually more than what i think i need.so it was the time for my spanking, she used a small paddle that i made some years ago and a leather slapper, i thought they worked perfctly, but D was not having the same thoughts,she wanted something else.well gotta go i will post more soon and hopefully pics too, maybe some video.