I have made a huge mistake!!!!

D and i were discussing going away for the weekend the other day,but decided to stay home instead as we would have the house to ourselfs. We had done some shopping last week which had produced some items for D's arsenal which icluded a spandex hood, an inflatable buttplug and leather frat paddle covered in metal studs, which we are going to tryout this weekend. So, on to my mistake, as i've stated in previous posts, i have a checkered past prior the meeting D, and have been feeling remorseful about those past indecresions. One of those things was being respectful and considerate of other people feelings. What happened was we were returning frm a doctors appt and somebody pulled out in front of me and wouldnt let me pass, and in the instantly i reverted back to my old ways, which was a serious error in judgement on my part, so D made comment to me reguarding my handling of sitaution,i defended myself from her comments,ahe got upset and starting crying. I apoligized to her a few minutes later when i came to my senses, but that wasnt cutting it with D this time. I truly regret upsetting her like that,i guess i just lost control for few minutes, i do feel really bad about the whole situition.finally after we had been home for a little while D began to calm down and i apoligized many more times, but i was beginning to get the feeling that was not gonna cut it this time.that night D made a comment to me that i will never forget, she said"this weekend when i have tied down ro the spanking bench im gonna remember how mean you were to me" right then and there i knew i had made a huge mistake. I asked her what she was gonna do to me, which normally she would have no problem telling me what was gonna happen to me, not this time,D merely said "you are gonna have wait and see what i have planned for you, and i can assure it will not be pleasant and maybe i will make you choose what u think is apporiate in order to redeem yourself"so ive been thinking long and hard about my situition and whether she decides or i decide im in for a long weekend. I love my wife very much and everything gives me this weekend, i deserve and i know it will help me to be a better person. Sometimes when im overly stressed D gags and restrains me on the bed for an hour or two, and sometimes i request it. This is a great help in getting my mind clear,sometimes d feels i need some extra help getting my mind clear,she might paddle my ass or put something in my ass,she might get her strapon out and give me good buttfucking. The other day i made such a request and D was willing to do this for me. But apparently she had other plans for me after she had me restrained. She put the spandex hood on me and got out her new leather paddle with the metal studs, D had decided i was going get a taste of her new paddle early in order to help clear my mind, but i think she just couldnt wait to use it. So i recieved about 30 or 40 swats, believe me that was just a taste of it, there will be many more to come this weekend im sure. It left no marks on my ass, D was not happy about that, im sure that wont be the case after this weekend.the last time we had a weekend like this one my ass was bruised and sore for two weeks. The strange thing was after D gave those 30 or 40 swats she untied me and went to the kitchen to get something to drink and by time she had returned i was completly broken down,lying on the bed crying and sobbing feeling very remorsful. That first time that has happened, i ve been in that state during a spanking but never after one. D comforted me for awhile and then told me it was time to go sleep because it was late and i had to get up early for work. Well gotta go for now. If u read my blog please leave a comment,i am new to blogging and would like to hear what you think,also working on getting pics and vid on here too. Thx,,,B